- random.rambles
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ending.sculpture.CRAZY.raphael.ms.free.d
rinks.SOON.christmas.period.recovery.BLA NK.newspaper.designing.design.lines.dots.c ircles
- Alluring, Yet Definitively Haunting
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exclusiveme- November 28th, 22:39
An edgy haircut to end off an edgy year.
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There are few things in life that irks me. I'm generally a pretty contented person.
But, there are times when the continual appearance of irksome stuff gets to you.
It's a distraction to the things that matter in life.
It forcefully relegates what's more important to the sideline.
It blinds you from your goal.
It messes up your priorities.
It simply makes you feel kinda dissatisfied in the spirit.
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I'm trying to get some 'relaxing' done tonight.
I feel bloated from thinking too much.
The workload had been relentless (Yes, I'm giving my workload human qualities. That's because it feels like an evil witch on a broomstick.) for the entire semester.
I'm ready for a break.
This is not to say that the school semester had been unforgiving and punishing. It has been an awesome semester at ADM. Now that there's only one more major project left, there's this hint of bitter-sweet aftertaste.
It's alluring, yet definitively haunting.
In the busyness of school, many things have indeed been neglected. But, I can only remind myself that it's just the beginning. And I'm only starting out.
A gentle reminder not to be too harsh on myself.
Yet, I must indeed learn to look beyond myself. My world do not just consists of me alone.
And I'm not my own.
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Une Reflexion.
- Exam Matters
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- exclusiveme
- November 24th, 0:03
Art history is off. For now.
No more late medieval frescoes to dissect and Madonna and Child to discuss.
I've had enough of staring at old artworks. For now.
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And as usual, 'j' emailed us to tell us that he's looking forward to 'reading us'.
Hah.
________________________________________________________________________________ _________
Alright.
Back to my readings.
Bah.
- The Upcoming "Project Runway", Exams, and the Difference in Atmosphere? (And things like that)
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- exclusiveme
- November 19th, 23:58
There's just something different now, than it was then. It's a good change. A change for the better.
The atmosphere is different. And everything else seem to be falling in place nicely.
It's His grace.
Yet, the heart's a tad heavy.
I realized, that weariness is catching up. And there are certain issues that require further examination.
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Call me crazy, but I must say that the exam break had been kind to me. I don't feel the anxiety of the looming exams, but yet I know that I'm moving steadily ahead with my research. This does not necessarily reflect that I'll be acing my papers, but hey, at least I'm enjoying the process more than before.
Indeed, the method of study has also matured. No longer just pure memory work and back-end regurgitation, it's a scholastic approach to how education should be like.
(A personal opinion. This doesn't mean that that I'm against the vigor of 'academic brainwork'. [read: memorization] Sure, load tonnes of inconsequential information into your puny brain cells, only to find that you've forgotten all of them by the second week. I don't exactly care.)
The week or so after the written exams would be another period of pure adrenaline. The "Project Runway" styled critique cum exhibition will be an 'unforgettable' experience. I sincerely hope. The sneak preview of what was to come was an eye-opener and sure did feel 'Project Runway-ish' enough.
And, the constant refrain of "I expect you guys not to sleep at all from the end of your exams to the 5th of Dec" by our dear Prof is taking dedication and effort to a whole new level - never seen before.
I'm pretty sure its a sleep debt that no amount of sleep can help recover. (And, no amount of essence of chicken can help alleviate.)
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The newest catch-phrase of the week:
That's so Hara.
- Finished
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- exclusiveme
- November 16th, 0:11
I declare the following modules,
C O M P L E T E D .
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Let me now heave a sigh of relief...
Only to find that bliss is indeed short-lived.
I'm staring down my 3D mega end-of-sem project and 2 more written exams.
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"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:13
I particularly like this version as well,
"I have strength for all things in Him who gives me power." (Darby Bible Translation)
Amen.
- Stop the Crankiness
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- exclusiveme
- November 15th, 1:28
It was a timely reminder.
Amidst the cranky week, facing cranky people and busying myself with cranky stuff, it's the tenacity that'll bring me through.
(Will the real true hell week please stand up?)
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As humans, we don't necessarily have to be alright all the time. We don't even need to be feeling good about ourselves every waking moment. Its usually the strive for this elusive unearthly and ridiculous perfection that ruins our day. Things aren't going to be in place all the time. In fact, I reckon that for the major part of life, we are sure to be plagued by unpleasantries.
Yet, we are to keep up our own positive energy. For that is how a strong person can be distinguished.
It's the 'in spite of' attitude that'll pull us through. That we'll stare down those problems of life in the face. And emerge stronger after it all.
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Need more silence. Less clutter. And a dash of heaven.
- Comfort Food
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- exclusiveme
- November 11th, 0:17
"What is the usefulness of the ugly if not for the sole purpose of exalting the beautiful?"
A terribly strong and glaring statement. I can't say that I fully agree with it. Yet, it's not totally false either. (Not especially if you're in design.) It's a dog-eat-dog world out there.
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I'm in dire need of comfort food. With late late nights and dark dark eye-rings, I need something to at least brighten up my day/night.
I need Nissin instant noodles, Fox sweets, Cadbury black forest chocolate bars and other stuff that has slipped off my weary mind.
Yes, I want them now.
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I'm seeing lots of pent-up frustrations everywhere I go. And it's ridiculous.
Why are people getting so uptight about little things?
It's just absurd.
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I need this the most now:
And I wish I had a magic magnifying glass that could take me to different places as well.
*scenes from my stop-motion, "Through the Magnifying Glass"
Yes, even space for a holiday.
Though I would rather wish it be Hawaii.
And THAT would really be NICE.
- A Blur
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- exclusiveme
- November 9th, 1:06
The past week has just been a blur - such a mad rush.
Portfolios are due and exams are just round the corner. It's indeed a precarious situation. But the feeling of walking on thin ice is pretty darn exhilarating at times. (Isn't it?) And its times like these that'll force the 'best' out of you.
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Perhaps its untrue that we can seize people up at the first instance. People change and we see it evidently all around us. Maturity doesn't come with age. And not everyone aspires to be on the same page. (A poor attempt at a rhyme. Don't mind me.)
I need to be more careful.
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Alright. Enough crap.
Bed.
- A Need for a Scream and Things Like That
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- exclusiveme
- November 5th, 2:03
It's 2am, and I'm not sleeping.
What's new?
And my dear stop-motion project isn't even half finished yet.
(Arch head backwards, and letting out a blood-culling scream)
I feel much better now.
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I got to return back to what's most important.
To remain, to lean and to wait.
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The time is now.
There's no time to waste.
________________________________________________________________________________ _______
Want to hear more from You.
- Shoo November! Dear December.
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- exclusiveme
- November 2nd, 19:24
It'll be a tough two weeks ahead.
With portfolio submissions, multiple concurrent assignments and two written examinations in tow, I'll try my best not to get smothered to death by the workload. That's if I don't die from a severe case of sleep-deficiency first.
Do utter quick prayers for me when you remember.
Thanks a million.
I miss the senseless ado and hubbub that was present before the school term started. It wasn't quite like what it is now - mindless busyness and a great deal of rush. (Pardon the fantastic english) It's as if there is an invisible veil that's been draped on my emotions, leaving me pretty much 'high and dry' and an utterly effusive person. I find the sensitivity that I used to possess diluted. And this is a scary thought, for the simple fact that it's what make an artist tick. I'm finding it harder to discern good concepts from those deserving of eternal damnation as well. Perhaps this is what it means by unlearning what you've already known. A cautionary proposition given by many of the foundation Profs the first week we stepped into school, (blurry-eyed and totally ignorant) which we (of course) turned a deaf ear to.
Yet, hereby comes the month of November.
But it isn't so much about November as it is about December, isn't it?
In a strange but true way, November will always be playing second fiddle to Dear December. It'll always be labelled as the final month of gritted teeth and clenched jaw muscles right before the glorious holiday season. I guess we all do have this love/hate relationship with November.
And true enough, I'm typing this entry with firmly gritted teeth and clenched jaws.
This rainy second night of November.
If work will never end. Then when will life begin?
- The Sleeping Issue
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- exclusiveme
- October 29th, 1:10
I had trouble sleeping last night. I'm hoping it wouldn't turn into something regular. I badly need the regularities of my sleeping time and for that matter, all the regularities of life as well.
Come on, come back.
So, this is how it feels like to be in the creative field. Datelines rule the day, and sleep time diminishes into nothing.
'Me-time' decreases exponentially. And the 'now-time' feels like it's been cheated of its feelings.
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I was just watching the first few minutes of "The September Issue".
But, I got disconnected. So, riding on the fact that I'm too sleepy to wait for it to reload, I'll be heading to bed right after I finish this entry.
It'll be another sleepless night tomorrow.
So.
I badly need to crash, now.
zzzZZZ
- Cogitation
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- exclusiveme
- October 26th, 20:07
Perhaps it is a little too early to give a reflection on this season as an undergrad just yet. (Not with the looming examinations and pending portfolio submissions) But then again, who commissioned reflections to be done only at the end of a season?
It had been a gradual uphill climb at school, with the workload and miscellaneous commitments intensifying with no hint of abating at all. Yet, the fulfillment that comes with each fleeting project is ineffable. A strange twist has also gotten me more involved in the school paper than I had planned. But that too, was more of a pleasant surprise than something I'm mulling over now.
Time and time again, there would be this unexplainable Déjà vu that sends a tingle down my spine. It's such a sense of compelling familiarity that I know can only be from God and no one else. I've come to perceive these divine moments as an assurance from Him that I'm on the right track. And perhaps, even a playful 'I-told-you-so' or two.
God does retain His sense of humor, in times when even we ourselves don't.
On the ministry front, I find myself doing more and feeling good about it. It's a nice feeling, and I intend for it to last for a long time.
I want my Christmas.
The first lights are being put up in town. And I feel a slight nostalgia. I need a good Christmas this year.
A good Christmas to round up a good year.
A cogitation.
- Exhausted
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- exclusiveme
- October 25th, 20:52
It has been a busy week.
And I'm exhausted.
And feeling a little under-the-weather.
I guess my body's telling me to be kinder to itself, and to take a break (for now).
The week passed over like a haze. Everything seemed blurry and out-of-focus even as I try to recall what I did. I guess it doesn't really matter. I just need a good long sleep.
And it'll be alright.
- Building Sand Castles in the Air
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- exclusiveme
- October 19th, 21:24
It's a positive transformation.
Week 1 Drawing class:
Yes, I was flabbergasted. I thought I was bad, but not SO bad.
.
.
.
Week 10 Drawing Assignment:
Finally something that I am able to say... "Hmmm, not bad."
Like what we told those young kids who were showing such a keen interest in our sand sculptures at the beach, in jest:
(One of them even rendered help to another team, in which the rest of us threatened to call MOM to report a case of illegal child labour.)
"When you grow up, be an astronaut, be a scientist, be a lawyer, be a doctor, be an engineer, but don't ever choose to be an artist or a designer, cause 15 years from now, you'll be the one here in the scorching hot sun building sand sculptures for yet another inquisitive bunch of young brats to ogle at."
Of course, they just stared at us with wide-eyed wonder.
But who knows and one would wonder, whether deep down inside there may just be that 'rebel' in one of them - to stand firm in their pursuit for what they ambition to be.
And perhaps. Just perhaps, ten years down the road we may see one of these young kids enrolling into ADM, building sand sculptures, drawing beautiful drawings, designing amazing posters and directing stunning commercials.
Who ever said we were building sand castles in the air?
- The Devil's in the Details
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- exclusiveme
- October 18th, 22:00
The sun was terribly scorching. And, I'm terribly burnt.
My tan-line too, terribly sexy.
(It's sexy-back. Literally.)
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The devil's in the details.
I'm just glad our team persevered on without much complains. And despite the initial stages of bewilderment, still managed to come up with the largest and (arguably) the most difficult sculpture.
I've got to say that I'm biased. I felt that we gunned down the most details too.
But, I'm not so pleased about the patches of sunburnt though. I can't even sleep properly on my back.
That is another story altogether.
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I'm glad to have a break tomorrow. Like finally.
- If You Give Me More, You Get 10 Points! & Is Ignorance Bliss?
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- exclusiveme
- October 15th, 21:40
I've never believed in the notion that "ignorance is bliss". In fact, I detest ignorance and to a certain extent, have even developed a strange phobia towards it.
To the many people who may brush ignorance aside as being 'naive' (or worst, 'pure') is in my own humble opinion (which is a paradox in itself) deliberately playing 'hide-and-peek' with the very real issue here. Real issues have to be settled, and settled fast.
And being ignorant (or worst) feigning ignorance is not the way to go.
Yet, I know not everything can be just 'settled' like that. At least, not in that airy-fairy sense.
It's frustrating to see how the impact is growing, and talking ain't going to solve no problems here. Talk is indeed cheap.
Will much coffee-shop talk, and nothing more than just verbal inputs/dialogues going to solve the issue?
Would this then be worst than being ignorant? As people who now 'see' (bless dear Plato) are just mere tongue lashers and armchair critics.
But little can be done when it's more often than not, a pathetic monologue.
The clear-cut structure is a hindrance. Having the lower stratum pointing fingers at those higher-up will spell trouble. It's an indisputable flaw, and a regret.
There's just no other way around it.
Having said all, it's still back to square one.
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My favorite quote of this semester:
And some happy times in the midst of the endless assignments and projects.
- Not Doing What I'm Supposed to Do
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- exclusiveme
- October 12th, 19:47
I'm supposed to be buried in my drawings - 10 constructed gestural by tonight.
Yet, I'm not feeling the urge nor drive to complete them. (Though I know I will have to, eventually)
Morning PMs are just great stuff. I know I need them, to continue to spur and inspire me to live life to the fullest. To place in me the desire to excel. As well as the tenacity that I know I will require for the rest of my student life. (and to get over tonight)
i also need a paradigm shift. A change in my mindset in the midst of all the constants I would want to hold on to tightly, as it isn't healthy.
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Allow me now to do what I'm supposed to do.
- I Need Sleep
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- exclusiveme
- October 10th, 18:12
Sometimes I do wonder, if this 'fast pace low grace' society is driving me nuts.
The long hiatus from my blog says it all. The past week had been punishing on the body, and severely compromising on my sleep-time. With late night (early morning) assignments and sleepless production nights for the school paper, I have mainly been on an auto-pilot (read: zombie) mode for most part of the week.
But while the body's complaining, the mind ain't feeling that (at least not yet), and appears to be egging on such an 'effective' and 'enriching' schedule.
While the erratic timetable seem to be more of a boon, obnoxious classmates now rank the highest on the 'bane list'.
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There is a need to be more bold.
To start claiming things that belong to me, and to learn to protect myself.
According to Whitney Houston, The Greatest Love = Love Yourself.
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Having awesome God-given talents, fantastic communication skills and a captivating charisma to boot is never a license to be demeaning or siege hostile intentions upon other people. It's just not right.
People are not stupid.
They can see your hidden agendas.
And it ain't pretty.
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If I may have a good sleep tonight...
- Odd Mathilda The Movie
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- exclusiveme
- October 4th, 0:35
Odd Mathilda, the movie.
Coming to a theater near you.
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She has always been odd.
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I've come to realize one thing. That I seriously need to undergo some vigorous photoshop training. I can't just keep up at things with my 'less than mediocre standards'. I feel limited by my own ignorance and inability. I even feel limited by technology. To have to keep thinking of alternatives because of my failure in photoshop is getting on my nerves.
I'm determined to be a pro (or at least die attempting) using the semester break coming up in Dec.
Get rich, or die trying. My new motto?
- Look Ma, There's a Fly in my Hor Bao Tan + Beyoncé
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- exclusiveme
- September 30th, 1:21
There was a fly in my Hor Bao Tan (Fried Eggs) when I had my dinner just now.
And it looked so Gareng (Crispy) somemore.
And it was freaking huge.
And totally black (The O-dao-you - dark soya sauce, might have something to do with it.), from wing-tip to wing-tip.
Gross.
(To make me feel a tad better, I just kept on reminding myself that I said grace.)
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Today was pretty unproductive. Or rather, less productive than I would expect it to be. Since my load of assignments have not been on the decline since the weekend.
I've finally taken some effort to engage my MBP. See, I'm actually a pretty sentimental person like that. I still prefer my old Lenovo thinkpad. (at least for now)
The plan to push all my academic work to the first three days of the recess week isn't working. And its bad.
It's threatening to spill over to the weekends and beyond.
I'm refusing to allow that to happen.
Over my dead brain cells.
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Alright, so I'm ending my day here watching Beyoncé sing 'Halo' to a bunch of hospital patients.
Go google it. It's a great clip.
Except for the part when someone attempted to do the 'ooh' part, like a sing-a-long with her.
And.
Failed horribly.
Lesson learnt: Never sing along with THE Diva, cause you just sound bad.
And THE Diva will always look and sound great. (Even with severely inflamed tonsils, a bad hair day and a disillusioned sense of fashion all rolled together into one - If such a hell-ish day would ever descent upon her.)
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Hair's cut. Assignments undone. Jumbled entry.
- Remember My Name, Fame
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- exclusiveme
- September 28th, 0:38
Remember My Name, Fame.
To be a strict critic of the movie, the cinematography was bad, the acting so-so, the plot weak and overall a very forgettable flick.
But I like it.
The storyline was one I felt I could identify with. (Might be even better if I were watching the original musical.) The many struggles of an art student (Performing arts as opposed to the fine arts), and the tumultuous road that one will surely be bound to face in the near future. This central theme was kept alive in the entire movie, and what I felt resonates pretty close to what 'real life' is like though it is still inevitably infused with much Hollywood-matics.
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I need to get back that excitement.
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"It just ain't sexy enough."
"I'm not feeling it, 'ya know."
"I need it to be more exciting."
I guess I really need to learn the lingoes of a design student.
And to discern what constitutes SEXY, FEEL and EXCITEMENT.
I'm gonna live forever. I'm gonna learn how to fly. Fame.
